Small acts compound
Written by Shanti Gorton, 2nd July 2024
I'm writing this on the weekend of London Pride and Glastonbury 2024, with the sun beating down on a country whose summer only just feels like it's beginning. Working on Women Who Fight has been a journey of learning and surprise; surprising ourselves with success, commiserating over our failures, and making efforts to learn from them, improve ourselves and deliver to our Women Who Fight community.
After years of building, we have a solid community of people who are all fighting to level the playing field and to give women more opportunities. Whilst this is centred around BJJ, the fight goes far beyond and touches all parts of our lives.
Growing up I constantly compared myself to the boys, wishing I could move through life as they did; wishing I could wrestle and play fight without it being a flirtatious act or 'too aggressive'. Going to a high achieving all girls secondary school, and being someone who is very literal, I was surrounded by girls who were all achieving in different ways, but never did our gender appear to be relevant. I never took into consideration that this experience might not be mirrored in the real world.
Being a person who tends to walk about in a daydream, generally unaware of social queues or expectations, I continued after school to believe that, as a woman, I was equal despite the evidence against it. I stubbornly refused to accept that my life might at all be hindered by something I couldn't control. It was to my surprise in my 20's that I started to realise that maybe this wasn't the case.
The tangible sexism present in our culture is evidenced by the fact that cars are less safe for women; medications are less safe; women's mental and physical health symptoms are regularly dismissed; maternity discrimination and childcare costs (aka the motherhood penalty); the list goes on for measurable inequalities women face daily. (See below for some references).
But what about the quieter, less obvious experiences?
I distinctly remember the first time I ever felt truly seen, beyond my gender, by people who I hadn't vetted to be in my life. I remember walking in to train jiu jitsu, looking around, and realising that no-one in the room had any agenda that involved my gender. I was their training partner, and they knew there was value in my presence, not as a token or as a novelty, but as someone who loved a sport as much as they did. Brilliant! Another person to run up to and try to knock down!
I guess its about having accountability for our intention and action towards women in our lives. The quiet confidence I built, from feeling that I added value on the mats, has impacted the rest of my life. My sensitivity to subtle sexism has grown, along with my self esteem and self respect. It's no less tiring moving through the world a woman, but knowing that there are people who see me and are a part of the solution is powerful. I now actively seek out people who will nourish me, and I discriminate enthusiastically against anyone who makes me feel like my worth is less because of my gender.
It's the small things that matter, and all acts of equality compound. There are so many good people in the world, (as well as not so good), and its important that the good people act; checking in with the women in our lives; having difficult conversations with people who have prejudiced attitudes towards women; learning that there are levels to training, and that the women there have so much to offer.
There is so much reading on systemic gender inequality, here are a couple to get you started:
Unwell Women: A Journey Through Medicine And Myth in a Man-Made World
Invisible Women: the Sunday Times number one bestseller exposing the gender bias women face every day
References:
Cars less safe:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2024/02/20/will-female-crash-dummies-improve-road-safety-for-women-the-answer-is-complicated/#:~:text=In%20the%20world%20of%20automotive,are%20truly%20safe%20for%20women.
Medications less safe for women:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5779632/
Womens symptoms dismissed:
https://www.northwell.edu/katz-institute-for-womens-health/articles/gaslighting-in-womens-health#:~:text=Whether%20it's%20heart%20disease%20labeled,doctors%20as%20something%20less%20critical.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-62927751
The motherhood penalty:
https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/
https://www.unwomen.org/en/news/in-focus/csw61/redistribute-unpaid-work